Lessons Learned: The Good, The Bad, and The Funny

Sometimes when I think about my life now all I can do is laugh.  It is so different than anything I could have imagined.  It is even different than what I imagined when I knew I was moving here.  Some of the differences are good, like I would have never imagined having Wadley in my life.  Some of the differences are hard, like seeing the reality of the health situation first hand.  Some of the differences are just funny.  I never would have imagined myself so excited about hosting a campus de-worming day.  I never would have imagined myself bucketing water to my house so I could bathe.  I never would have imagined myself attempting to organize a depot that seems to be filled with rats and spiders.  I never would have imagined myself a constant home of choice for ringworm. 

I am so thankful for the good differences and how they are impacting my life personally.  The funny differences I both hate and love.  However, I am thankful for the opportunity to learn how to adjust to things that might not exactly be what I had in mind.  While God is teaching me both about myself and the world through all of the differences, it is the hard differences that have stood out to me this week.  He has been teaching me that I don’t always have to know what to say or what to do.  I’m not expected to know what to say when someone shares with me about a recent rape, or when a child dies, or when everything in the world seems to be going wrong for a family.  That’s not my job.  My job is to listen to the Holy Spirit as He communicates what God wants me to say in the situation.  Romans 8 promises that the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.  So often I am weak.  I don’t know what to do or what to say; but in those moments, God becomes our strength. 

I love so many parts of this country; but at the same time, I hate so many parts of this country.  It isn’t the heat or the lack of conveniences that I hate.  It is the injustice, the corruption, the abuse that I hate.  It is the fact that children and adults are dying of curable diseases that I hate.  It is the fear that voodoo holds over the entire population (Christian and non-Christian) that I hate.  It is the darkness of the wretched country that I hate.  Though I love this country with my whole heart, my heart breaks for it every single day. 

So often I find myself coming back to Habakkuk’s complaint in Habakkuk 1.  “How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?  Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?  Why do you make me look at injustice?  Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?  Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.  Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails.  The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.” 

While I so often pray this complaint, I also find myself holding onto the promise God made Habakkuk.  “Look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.”  This promise is what helps me get through the horrors that are a part of every day life here.  When I feel helpless because of the things I am confronted with, God is going to become the strength in the midst of my weakness.  I don’t have to know what to do or what to say in every situation; I just have to rely on God’s strength.  I truly believe that God will move Haiti’s mountains for Him.  As I hold on to His promise, I will do my part in working towards the day that I am utterly amazed. 

The Other Side of the Island

As I was coming up on three months in Haiti, I needed to get my passport stamped since a Haitian visa is only good for three months.  This meant a trip to the Dominican Republic.  The journey to the Dominican started off with a moto (like a small American motorcycle) ride to the big river, followed by a moto ride to Borgne, which took about 2 hours.  My moto was packed with the driver, Northwest’s travel coordinator, Caitlin, and a Haitian male nurse.  And don’t forget our bags! Once we got to Borgne, we got into a packed van to get to Cap-Haitien.  This took about another three hours.  

Once in Cap-Haitien, we met our friends Heather and Papito.  Heather and Papito used to work in the Miriam center, but now they have started a ministry/school for special needs children in Terrier Rouge, a town close to Cap-Haitien.  We all went to a restaurant in Cap-Haitien.  The restaurant was a reminder of how different parts of the same country can be.  The menu had things such as hamburgers and pizza, which are much different than our typical rice and beans, chicken, or spaghetti.  There were about the same number of Americans in the restaurant as Haitians.  This was also odd considering the closest Americans to our Saint Louis compound are about an hour away.  After lunch, we made a quick stop at Heather and Papito’s house, and then we drove for another hour to the border.  

Even when you first cross the border, the difference between Haiti and the Dominican are obvious.  Where there are rocky dirt roads in Haiti, there are paved roads in the Dominican.  Where there are crumbling makeshift buildings in Haiti, there are nice little shops along the streets in the Dominican.  

There seems to have always been a conflict between the Dominican and Haiti.  However, this summer that conflict got particularly violent.  The Dominican started mass deportations and increased the violence against not only Haitian people, but people of Haitian descent.  This means if you look Haitian or even if you speak Spanish (the official language of the Dominican) with a little Haitian accent, you are at risk for deportation.  This summer deported man ended up at the Mayor’s office in Saint Louis.  His mother had moved to the Dominican when she was pregnant with him.  He was born in the Dominican, always lived in the Dominican, and only spoke Spanish.  However, he was deported merely because of his heritage.

We saw a piece of this conflict first hand when we took a three-hour bus ride from the border to Santiago.  Upon entering every town along the way, we were stopped and an officer got on the bus.  The way these officers treated the Haitians on our bus was atrocious.  Every Haitian was required to show all of their paperwork, and they were often questioned beyond their paperwork.  We saw paperwork be ripped and thrown away, and we saw our Haitian brothers and sisters be completely degraded.  During the whole ride, as an obviously white, non-Haitian, I was only asked once to show my passport, and even then just waving it in the air was enough for the officer. 

Though the trip there was long and hard to see how the Haitians were treated, our trip to the Dominican was very nice.  Santiago was just like an American city.  There were roads, traffic lights, grocery stores, American restaurants, and all kinds of things that are not in Haiti.  We were able to get some much needed rest and relaxation.  We were able to do some shopping and get supplies that are hard to find or expensive in Haiti.  We were able to eat good food such as TGIF, Wendys, Sweet Frog, and a couple others.  

While I truly enjoyed my time in the Dominican, it both broke my heart and reassured me.  It broke my heart to see how the Haitians were treated there.  It broke my heart to know that I was on the same island, but things were so different.  How can life be like that in the Dominican, but how it is Haiti on the same island?  Don’t get me wrong, there are poor places in the Dominican.  However, in Haiti, there are not poor places.  Everywhere is poor, and occasionally there is a place that is wealthy.  This trip was reassuring because it reassured me that I am in the place that God wants me to be; a place that needs so much help; a place that needs God.  It also reassured me that I am going to be okay in Haiti.  I enjoyed having conveniences such as air conditioning, good food, hot showers, etc. while I was in the Dominican, but God does not call us to a life of comfort.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss air conditioning when I wake up drenched with sweat at 2 a.m., but this trip made me realize that I’m fine without those comforts.  God gives us what we need to do what He calls us to do.  God doesn’t ask us to do the easy things.  Think about what He did for us.  That was definitely not an easy thing.  God promises that, “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  God may not always remove our difficulties, but He does always give us the appropriate amount of grace sufficient for each circumstance.  He gives us what we need when we need it.  Through this, not only are we strengthened, but more importantly He is glorified.